Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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