At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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