I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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