the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You pole danced in your parka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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