yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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