The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
