Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
