Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
