you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
