angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
