i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize