4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
