hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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