I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize