Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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