Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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