Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
