i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
