So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
