you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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