This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
