I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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