How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
