I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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