Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
