I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
