I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
