I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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