Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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