He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
