My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
