And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
