Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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