why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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