i may or may not be watching the land before time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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