i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize