i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They took my balls.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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