Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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