I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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