I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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