last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
