i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
