Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize