Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
