I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the condom got lost in my hair
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
