I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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