oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
