now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
