If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
