Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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