you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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