Dual....:-)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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