so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
