Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
