I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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