Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
