im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize