In America we eat man semen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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