Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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