remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
