So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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