Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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